Well friends, this month is all about Easter, and you know what that means! Not only do we get to worship a giant bunny that lays eggs filled with surprises for children, but we also get to eat LOADS OF CHOCOLATE. And people, you know I love any excuse to stuff my face with chocolatey treats.
I’m Scott and to celebrate my favorite chocolate-covered holiday, we’re going to feature the top ten movies that will SAVE our chocolate cravings this Easter. Because these movies seem to really get it, you know? They understand on an intimate level just how important chocolate is to all of us. So chocolate, today is all about honoring you.
Before we dig in, take a minute to hit those “like” and “subscribe” buttons, will ya? That’d be real sweet, thanks.
10. Bridesmaids – Chocolate Fountain Attack
Okay, whoever invented the chocolate fountain is a literal genius, right? Delicious AND elegant – can’t think of anything better than that. But in addition to being absolutely fantastic, they’re also kind of, well, heavy – especially if the chocolate is squirting from an ACTUAL fountain, like it is in Bridesmaids. And that’s what makes it so funny, and sad, when Kristen Wiig takes her anger at Maya Rudolph out on the cholate fountain in this 2011 classic. She tries SO HARD to push it over, but she just isn’t strong enough. It’s really pathetic, really, and humiliating – given that she’s throwing an absolute fit in front of a crowd of onlookers and can’t even get that right. Whatever, we love you Kristen Wiig, but we’re also pretty glad you didn’t have the arm muscles to destroy our favorite snack.
9. Duplex – Choking on Chocolate
Remember when Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore used to star in, like, all the comedies? Wow, we miss those days. One of the best and most underrated films they’re in together is 2003’s Duplex. And the best part? There is an entire scene featuring a box of chocolates. The downside is that the scene is kind of, well, disgusting. In this movie, Barrymore and Stiller play a young couple who have just moved into a duplex in New York City. The other half of the home belongs to a little old lady who is a total menace. Anyway, in this scene, Stiller gifts the old lady a box of chocolates – and after she disturbingly presses her finger into each and every piece to check what’s inside – she finally chooses one and proceeds to choke on it, practically to death. It ends up being pretty disgusting as the chocolate flies from her mouth onto Barrymore’s forehead and Stiller’s forced to give the old woman CPR in a rather, well, compromising position. This scene may be disgusting, but it’s also delightfully hilarious, and we’re a fan of anything featuring a delectable box of chocolates.
8. Chocolat – The, uh, whole movie?
Well folks, this movie actually takes place around Lent, so it’s an Easter film in more ways than one! After a mother and daughter open up a chocolate shop in small town France, they risk going out of business since the town doesn’t want to indulge in chocolate cravings during lent. By the way, I will ALWAYS indulge in chocolate cravings, no matter the time of year. Just saying. Anyway, this movie is practically a two hour long chocolate love fest, so even though it’s not like, my favorite film of all time, it gets major brownie points for that (get it, LOL). One chocolatey highlight is when Juliette Binoche tries to guess Johnny Depp’s favorite kind of chocolate. So sweet – and delicious. Trust me when I say you’ll want a box of chocolates of your own when you watch this movie.
7. The Goonies – Baby Ruth scene
Is Baby Ruth our favorite chocolate bar? Doubtful. Is watching Sloth break free from literal shackles in order to eat a Baby Ruth one of our favorite scenes in cinematic history? Absolutely. While we might not totally understand why Sloth and Chunk prefer a Baby Ruth, to I don’t know, a Snickers Bar, we totally get that chocolate is chocolate, and when you’re a prisoner who’s been deprived of good eats for who knows how long, the need for chocolate is that much greater. Hearing Sloth shout “Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!” over and over is hilarious, creepy, and SO RELATABLE. And I mean, if I had the strength he had, I’d break myself free for a yummy bite of chocolate, too. Whatever it takes. We feel you, Sloth, we feel you. And Chunk, you’re a jerk for dropping for that candy bar on the ground, even if it was an accident.
6. Austin Powers: Gold Member – Mini Me and his Belgian Chocolate
“He’s gone mental on account of the chocolate,” Dr. Evil announces as Mini Me ravages a Belgian chocolate bar, “it’s like catnip for clones.” Well, Dr. Evil, I’d argue that chocolate is like catnips for ALL humans, but Mini Me’s obsession is certainly a little, well, severe. Not only is the word “chocolate” alone enough to wake Mini Me from a deep sleep, but he also nearly rips off his brother’s face when he thinks he’s stealing his chocolate. This scene is a particularly hilarious moment in the Austin Powers franchise as it’s one of a number of scenes in which Dr. Evil pins his two children – Mini Me and Seth Green – against each other. He gets into an argument with Seth Green about whether or not Seth Green likes chocolate as much as Mini Me, and then, finally, Dr. Evil hands some chocolate to Green and Mini Me lunges across the table, fully prepared to kill his brother to get it back. Hey, we get it, Mini Me. Chocolate is not to be shared. It’s a precious commodity.
5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – Harry Discovers Chocolate Frogs
We all know chocolate is magic, but in Harry Potter the enchanting treat reaches new heights of magical wonder when it transforms into a living frog. Not only that, but each chocolate frog comes with a trading card of a famous witch or wizard. Chocolate and collectable gifts all in one? Yeah, sign us up. The only part about these mystical chocolates that’s hard for me to get around is that they can literally hop away from you – so you need to be fast if you want to eat one up. I just don’t like to work too hard for my food, you know? Still, chocolate frogs ARE pretty darn sweet – and the great news is that us muggles can actually get our hands on some ourselves! They sell the treats at the Universal Studios theme parks in Orlando and Hollywood. These ones don’t actually hop around, but like I said, I’d rather just eat ‘em anyway.
4. Forrest Gump – Life is a Box of Chocolates
“Life is like a box of chocolates,” right friends? We couldn’t agree more. That awe-inspiring line is not only thought-provoking and poetic, but it’ll also have you craving a box of chocolates of your very own. Here at Scarlett Media, we are all about chocolate-themed metaphors – and to think that our own lives could be represented by a box of the tastiest kind of treat warms our cold little hearts. We know this movie is a classic for like, a hundred different reasons, but in our book – that line alone was enough to score the film an Oscar. Forrest Gump really did have a way with words, didn’t he? Now, if I could just figure out how to jump into the screen and rip that box of chocolates out of his hands…
3. Matilda – Bruce and the Chocolate Cake
If you’re a nineties kid, you probably had a recurring nightmare that you had to eat an entire chocolate cake all by yourself, while your mean and terrible principal stared at you with a smug and creepy-af smile on her face. As much as I love chocolate, and I DO love chocolate, even I know that stuffing down this cake in one sitting is a form of severe and terrible torture. I mean, leftovers are a thing for a reason. A chocolate cake should be savored piece by piece, not swallowed down so fast you have to throw it all up or possibly even die. What a waste, you know? When Trunchbull makes poor Bruce Bogtrodder eat the ENTIRE cake in front of the ENTIRE school as punishment for stealing a quick bite, he nearly dies trying to get it all down. And you’ll nearly die watching him, too.
2. E.T. – Reeses Pieces
Note to self: if you ever want to lure an alien into your bedroom, use Reeses Pieces. Obviously. One of the best parts of this iconic film is when Eliot meets E.T. by leaving a trail of delicious Reeses Pieces for the alien to follow – all the way from the woods into his house and up the stairs into his bedroom. It’s no surprise that the clever tactic actually works, after all, Reese Pieces are freaking delicious – anyone, even aliens, are bound to love them. Oh! Also! Not only is this tasty chocolatey treat the best way to lure aliens, but it’s also the best way to make best friends with aliens! The foundation of every friendship is bribery and if that bribery comes in the form of Reeses Pieces, even better.
Now, before we reveal the number ONE movie to SAVE our chocolate cravings this Easter, let us know you thought this list was delicious by hitting that “subscribe button.”
1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Okay, can we just talk about what ungrateful brats all the kids are in this movie? If I were invited on an exclusive tour of the GREATEST AND CREEPIEST CANDY FACTORY EVER, I would be on BEST freakin’ behavior. Everyone thinks Willy Wonka is all evil for letting these kids drown in chocolate rivers and turn into blueberries and get eaten by squirrels and all that, but frankly, they deserve it. And every time Willy Wonka rolls his eyes instead of leaping in to save the day, it’s kind of, well, awesome. That said, though, I do understand why Augustus Gloop dives into the river of chocolate. It is an entire RIVER of chocolate, after all, and is therefore irresistible. Still, you’d think he’d like, ask before he just dove right in to his chocolatey death. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – chocolate’s not quite worth DYING for, because if you’re dead, you can’t enjoy it!
Okay, now we gotta go and eat some chocolate, but before we do, let us know what your favorite chocolatey treat is in the comment section. Have a yummy Easter, everyone!
#ScarlettMedia #Easter #Chocolate
Scarlett.Media productions are for commentary, criticism and parody. All media samples are for transformative and fair use.
See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).