Hey, you know 5 Minute Crafts? That channel that just sort of shows up, uninvited, when you’re scrolling through Instagram, or Facebook, or Twitter, or YouTu- oh god, it’s everywhere isn’t it? Well, you know the one. It promises you these 5-minute life hacks that are sure to make everything easier for you. The only thing is – they DON’T. IT’S ALL A LIE.
Today, we’re going to let you in on 10 5-minute crafts that are sure to RUIN your day. Now, because we’re saving you from falling into the blackhole that is 5 Minute Crafts, go ahead and say “woah, thanks, that was a close one,” by hitting those “like” and “subscribe buttons.”
10. The DIY Miniature House From Little Bricks and Cements
Okay, if the name of the craft takes more than 5 words to say, it’s probably gonna take more than 5 minutes to make, too. In this video, a miniature-house-artist-guy makes a model home, complete with furniture and an outdoor POOL, using cement and tiny bricks and a whole bunch of other ridiculous supplies that the average person DOES NOT HAVE. Oh, and it takes him about a hundred years, not five minutes. Sure, the house looks cool in the end, but you don’t even notice that, because you’re too focused on the fact that you’ve just been LIED TO. It’s like if the dollar store sold a $20 bottle of shampoo. False. Advertising. I go to 5-minute crafts to see crafts that take five minutes, not cement based architecture projects that I could never make at home.
9. 12 COOL RECYCLING CRAFTS TO MAKE AT HOME
I care about the environment as much as the next hippie, but this video takes recycling a tad too far. It’s one thing to make a wallet out of used duct tape or let your toddler play around in a cardboard box, but there’s no reason we need to turn a butter knife into sunglasses or turn a car tire into an ugly, super uncomfortable footstool. Also, they say that these are crafts you can use at home and then literally make half of them with ELECTRIC DRILLS and some kind of scary looking saw thing. I don’t know about you, but if I even tried to use that weird saw, I’d end up with a few less fingers. And the golden dragon fly I carved out of a nail would not be worth it. If you don’t want to let recycling ruin your day, do yourself a favor and buy a blue colored trash can instead of a power tool.
8. 24 OUTSTANDING DIYS FOR YOUR BACKYARD
Wanna make a tacky outdoor bench for your yard? All you need is two humungous mounds of dirt and a few feet of fake grass, plus a couple throw pillows, and a nice rose bush for affect! Sure, this one might actually only take 5 minutes, if you subtract the time it’ll take to literally dig up your backyard. Also, sorry, but no way the average person can mold some fake grass and dirt into a perfect bench shape. It IS going to look more like two ugly lumps of dirt with fake grass pressed over them, and you’ll feel like an idiot for ruining your perfectly good yard just ‘cus a YouTube channel told you to. Worse than the bench, though, is the planter made out of human legs. Yeah, you heard that right. For those, you just need a pair of children’s shoes and jeans (creepy), some stuffing, and a plant. Then you can ruin your day looking at the scary, headless plant child sitting in your backyard!
7. 25 FUNNY HACKS FOR A SAD DAY
Okay kids, first piece of advice? If you’re having a sad day, stay the heck away from 5 Minute Crafts. No matter what they tell you, they are just trying to make your already bad day WORSE. In this video, they suggest therapeutic crafts like making mini pancakes for your pet hamster. Cute, right? Until you remember that you don’t even have a hamster. Now, you’ve made a whole batch of pancakes too small to even put syrup on, and you’re reminded of how lonely you are. That’s just…sad. Day ruined, right??
6. 25 SUMMER BEAUTY HACKS EVERY GIRL SHOULD TRY
You know that feeling when you’re tired of shaving your armpits with a razor, so you turn to ripping the hair off with a homemade charcoal paste? Oh, you don’t? Well, 5 Minute Crafts thinks combining charcoal with honey and rubbing it all over your armpits before tearing it the heck off, is a great idea! And if that seems like a little too much work, you can try a combination of coffee, lemon, and toothpaste instead. ‘Cus that sounds way easier than pulling out your razor and some shaving cream, which is, you know, pre-mixed and mess free. Still, if you’re looking for a way to make your underarms writhe in sticky pain, look no further.
5. 28 USEFUL TOILET HACKS NOBODY TOLD YOU ABOUT
Hmm. Maybe nobody told you about these toilet hacks, because nobody should even know about them. First of all, almost all of these hacks require you to stick your entire bare hand in the toilet bowl, which like, just no. Gross. Secondly, there’s another craft in here that requires the use of an electric drill – oh and some extra wooden shutters, in case you have those lying around the house somewhere. What do wooden shutters and a drill have to do with the toilet? Well, 5 Minute Crafts suggests you place them around a decorative plant beside the toilet. Because nothing like peeing in shuttered-up nature, right?
4. 33 HOME DÉCOR IDEAS FROM OLD FURNITURE AND HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
You know that hand-shaped candle you’ve always wanted! Now you can have it! Just take a rubber glove, a big glass jar, a candle wick, and some sticky goo, and soon you’ll have a totally gorgeous and not at all freaky weird candle hand lighting up your living room. Not only will making this hand candle take way more than 5 minutes, but the creepiness of the hand alone will ruin all of your remaining days. Especially when you invite guests over and have to explain that the reason a hand is lighting the room is because you watched a cool YouTube video. If you’re tempted to make this scary craft a reality, do yourself a favor and, uh, don’t.
3. 33 WEIRD HACKS AND TRICKS FOR PET OWNERS
Okay, at least they’re living up to the fact that these are weird now. Although, I don’t know how they couldn’t – because these are really weird. And they’re not exactly crafts, either. Just clever ways to abuse and probably kill your pets, if that’s something you’re into! In this video, you can learn how to turn that extra backpack and transparent bowl you’ve got laying around the house into a cat carrier for your cat to suffocate inside! And, if you hate that you can’t bring your dog to the movies, now you can! Just stuff it under your shirt and pretend to be pregnant! Fingers crossed it doesn’t bark and get you kicked out of the movies for life.
2. CUTE DIY HOUSE WITH WOODEN PALLETS
So, you need to get rid of all those wooden pallets taking up space in your living room? Not to worry, 5 Minute Craft’s got you covered. Just grab some wood stain, a few dozen power tools, a magical potion or two, an engineering degree, and a cute and cuddly dog. All set? Not quite! For a full list of supplies, head to your local hardware store and clear the shelves. Whichever ones you feel like, doesn’t matter. After a few days of tireless construction, you’ll end up with a doghouse that looks nothing like the one in the video. Congratulations! You wasted your time and your dogs! Bet that feels great.
Now, before we reveal the number one 5-minute craft sure to RUIN your day, go ahead and click those “like” and “subscribe” buttons. It’s the least you can do since we saved your day from utter arts and crafts chaos.
1. 31 SMART PARENTING HACKS AND GADGETS
You know when your kid is throwing a huge fit because she doesn’t want to take a bath? You know what might make that a little easier? Throwing a plastic funnel over their tiny skulls while you pour water over their head! Now, maybe your child is too young for the hat thing. Maybe you’ve got a tiny little baby, and you’re just plain tired of having to hold them up in the bathtub. Instead of relying on your weak arms to hold your baby up, make them a bath sized bed instead! That should only take like a couple of hours and a few dozen trips to the fabric store, right? And in the end, your baby just might drown. But at least you didn’t have to use your arm muscles. Finally, if your mop is broken, consider mopping the floor with your baby! Just glue some mop cloth to their clothes and let them roll around a little. Cleaning’s never been more fun! Yeah, these parenting hacks may have just ruined parenting instead.
Have you tried a 5 Minute Craft? Let us know how it ruined your day in the comments! And if you actually enjoyed it, well, we don’t believe you. Thanks for watching!
Writer: Laura Townsend
Editor: AB Scarlett
Voice: Scott | http://bit.ly/3bD679R
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Scarlett.Media productions are for commentary, criticism and parody. All media samples are for transformative and fair use.
See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).